glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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