I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
