My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
