she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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