The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
where does the pee come out of this thing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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