"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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