He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
