i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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