Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
