The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
