Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize