His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
