You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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