Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
In America we eat man semen.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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