I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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