Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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