Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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