Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
