Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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