That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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