Where is the hickey?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Randomize
