how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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