Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
