New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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