GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
