I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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