i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
