okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
