Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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