New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
