you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
