He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
