It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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