the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
