ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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