my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
