just come out here and I will go home with you...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
