You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
