shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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