There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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