just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
