the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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