please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
