I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
