Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize