On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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