If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize