Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
