I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
