If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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