dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
