I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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