i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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