...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
