i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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