whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
