I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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