If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
