okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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