I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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