If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that's an acceptable place to lick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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