Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
