It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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