he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
