Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
