Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love you.
Bad choice
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