Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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