toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
