you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
