So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
