He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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