Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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